Are you really ONE?
Glitzing up and unleashing your hidden glory was the fun part on the day you made your vows. The months of planning flew by in a blur captured only by the photographer for enjoyment later.
Of course, you were going to stay one – you said so in your vows? But what would you base that oneness on? How were you going to be this tightly fixated in one, ten, twenty, or even thirty years?
Two of my accountability partners and I tossed around the core tenants in knowing what was really at the center of our life? For each tenant, there was a question that needed to be answered honestly.
We narrowed it down to six but I think there may be eight. Here they are – see what you think.
1. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your identity?
2. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your significance?
3. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your security?
4. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your joy?
5. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your rest?
6. Who, or what, do you look to for the real source of your meaning?
7. Who, or what, do you look to for the real focus of your faith?
8. Who, or what, do you look to for the real focus of your trust?
Some of these may feel like they overlap for you so give some honest time to process what is at the heart of the tenant.
Part of the reason why we face conflict in our ministry and marriage is that we haven’t taken the time to pause long enough to consider the deeper things that matter most.
In John Mark Comer’s book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (2019), he calls us to consider incorporating a clear Sabbath into our routine. 24 hours where we can stop and delight. He asks the question, “What could I do for twenty-four hours that would fill my soul with a deep, throbbing joy? That would make me spontaneously combust with wonder, awe, gratitude, and praise?” (p. 155)
Following this question is a statement by Dan Allender, from his book Sabbath.
The Sabbath is an invitation to enter delight. The Sabbath, when experienced as God intended, is the best day of our lives. Without question or thought, it is the best day of the week… Sabbath is the holy time where we feast, play, dance, have sex, sing, pray, laugh, tell stories, read, paint, walk, and watch creation in its fullness. Few people are willing to enter the Sabbath and sanctify it, to make it holy, because a full day of delight and joy is more than most people can bear in a lifetime, let alone a week.
So, what would it take for the two of you to face the eight questions above and to honestly ponder them as a couple? In other words, your identity as a couple; your significance as a couple; your security as a couple?...etc.
Couples who drift apart often haven’t taken the time to secure their anchors deep on a solid rock that will hold them when storms arrive. For the sake of love, book a holiday now and take these questions with you. Walk and talk. Take a series of Sabbaths until you understand what pulled you toward that first glorious moment you shared as one.
