Finding the healing pathway
Have you ever gotten disoriented and lost your way? Perhaps in a forest, in a new part of a city, or in a relationship? What do you need? Someone or something to show you the way.
GPS works well in a city but what do you need in a disoriented relationship? Perhaps a few simple steps from a coach might help. Something like: Genuinely apologize to your partner regardless of how right you feel. Focus on the hurt, pain, wounding, or injury of the one you love. Take responsibility for whatever has caused that. Be specific: “I’m sorry I spoke (gruffly, intensely, loudly, harshly…). “I took out my (stress, anger, disappointment…) on you.”
Ask what your partner needs from you at the moment. It might be as different as space, a cuddle, a walk, a dinner and movie, or more. It seems that our relationship is either on a roll with good discussions or at a standstill with the sound of silence hovering over our problems like a dark cloud.
Understanding our differences clearly over time can help create the map to move us forward. Sometimes, a couple will recognize that no matter how many times around the ‘mulberry bush’ they circle that things aren’t going to change. Shifting to an intentional discussion around the dreams, meaning, values, or experiences behind the issue might help nudge things in a positive direction.
Being able to articulate your understanding of your partner’s position will open the door to a sense of safety and security so that further, deeper, dialogue can occur. Clear, honest, vulnerable, personalized statements explaining your heart need to combine with authentic reflection, gentle prompting, open curiosity, and sensitive listening to establish a welcome environment for relationship growth.
What is more valuable to you? Being in relationship or being in the right? The time, flexibility, interest, grace, patience, and encouragement you invest will speak louder to your partner than anything you can say. Keep your questions open-ended and inviting. Work together toward specific adventures or projects which reflect the hope for long-term investment in the relationship. Make the compromises you need to make and manage the conflicts without manipulation. Build dreams founded on something meaningful to both of you.
You have been divinely brought together to build eternal character. Do all you can not to short circuit the process or the end product.
