An itch is an irritation which begs for relief.
What makes a leader itch? Not physically, but mentally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. What keeps them up at night, scratching? You don’t have to be a leader for very long before recognizing that something is different now. Unknown sensations begin to plague you and call for attention. It may happen when you walk through the door at night after a long meeting or social event. It may happen when a member care issue keeps you from being at your child’s special performance. It may happen when a calendar conflict didn’t get communicated at home or after a long phone call. It may happen when nights out with ministry exceed those at home. It may happen when demands outweigh energy or when unused love languages leave our love tank dry. The resulting irritations are itches to our soul.
Scratching is anything we instinctively do to relieve the tension arising. We scratch to relieve the irritation without necessarily taking time to solve the core of our issue. Our scratching may actually be a distraction to keep our mind off of what is really happening. The serotonin released temporarily by our reaction feels good enough to capture us into the itch-scratch cycle. Something irritates us and we instinctively react to relieve the irritation. That may increase the irritation which initiates more scratching.
It is easy to understand what an itch is in our physical body. It may not be so obvious how an itch exists in our mental, emotional or spiritual self. And when it comes to relationships, the cause of the sensation begging for relief may seem abstract and out of reach. The scratch we apply may be what psychologists term the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response.
For a leader, our itches rise up in the form of unanswered questions. Questions that are provoked by our ministry and our marriage. Questions like Who are you? Who was your family? Who is your faith community? Who are your friends?
While our bodily itches are often stimulated by the complex interaction between skin cells and our nervous system, leadership itches are often stimulated through the relationship interactions we have as leaders. In our body, dry skin causes microfractures in our surface causing inflammation and the release of histamine and kinins. In the body of Christ, undernourished members, poor processes, mission drift, unclear goals, lack of boundaries, isolation, changing cultural norms and values, hasty decisions and neglected spouses are the microfractures that can create their own form of inflammation and irritation. Whatever the cause, the itch is designed to draw attention to the area.
Leadership is lonely and not all leaders stop scratching their itches long enough to call for help. Our physical itches can arise from medical conditions, skin products, occupational habits, allergies, travel, medications or others causes. Sharing with a professional can pinpoint possibilities. The same is true with leadership itches. A coach, mentor or trained professional can identify what may be going on at the surface and below.
Some itches are resolved quickly. A clothing fiber, a bug, a particle of some kind is scratched and relief achieved. The large organ of skin, around twenty-two feet on the surface, is designed to protect the rest of our internal parts from invaders. But even scratches need to be applied without too much aggression to avoid causing further irritation. If the cause of an itch is something like sunburn or psoriasis than indiscriminate scratching isn’t helpful. You can make things worse.
To get relief from an itch we must understand the source. Getting relief for dry skin, or bug bites, or cancer, or chickenpox, or poison ivy, or shingles, or diabetes, an overactive thyroid, hepatitis, allergies, soap use, jewelry, parasites, shingles, medications or age may mean a different action for each. Your motivation to deal with an itch may be determined by how extensive the irritation becomes on your body. Your motivation as a leader to get the help you need may be determined by how much of an irritation your area of itching has become in your ministry or marriage.
Once something becomes a regular source of distraction, annoyance, irritation, over-reaction, it is likely time to reach out for help. An itch (pruritus) exists for a reason in our body and in our ministry and marriage. It is a call for attention and perhaps a call to action in an area that needs protection, support or healing. Accessing the appropriate help for our body through lotions, creams, light therapy, aspirin, antihistamines or opioid antagonists will need the guidance of a trained professional. The same is true in our leadership itches.
Rather than hope that things will resolve over time, might I suggest that you reach out for the help your heart knows you need.
