When Ministry and Marriage Collide:
I’ve recently finished a new book for seasoned leaders on how to navigate the quagmires of ministry and marriage conflicts.
Here’s the introduction to the book.
This is an exciting time for seasoned ministry leaders to model lasting love in a society so quick to discard it. While we live in an age where convenience and connection make lasting love easier, we also live in a world where distractions and disconnections make lasting love more challenging. There are numerous high-quality books on marriage available already. There are more on leadership. Perhaps a good number on conflict management.
When Ministry and Marriage Collide, is an offering from an insider’s perspective. I’ve been married 47 years, been in leadership for 43, been a counselor over 30, and now work as a certified relationship coach. I’ve worked internationally in missions for 18 years, pastored a multi-cultural faith community for 23, helped launch 9 non-profit ministries, sat on numerous boards, and advised others.
It's also a recognition of a reality that Scripture acknowledges. “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-how she can please her husband.” I Corinthians 7:32-34.
Resilient relationship is crucial for seasoned leaders. We read enough biographies and testimonials about those who have burned out or else lost their relationship through poor choices and relationship breakdown. Many times, the relationship breakdowns seem to come from an inability to resolve conflict. We are uncomfortable with the options that face us. To speak truth in love, hoping for a resilient and dynamic partnership, or to stay numb and dumb, fearing rejection, and abandonment, so that we are left alone.
We, as those made in God’s image, are designed for social connection. The fear of disconnection strikes to the core of our being and yet, in the middle of an emotional storm, we fail to understand how to reconnect. Thriving relationships arise through a five-level process which is anything but predictable. There are proven tools to manage the journey.
When Ministry and Marriage Collide focuses on seven couples talking through five marriage quagmires with their coach: Identity, Attachment, Calling, Family, and Intimacy. While not exactly a workbook for readers, there are tools laid out that can be utilized to help you walk through whatever you are facing in these areas. This book is not designed to solve all your conflicts, but to help you recognize the diversity of conflicts impacting ministry and marriage. It also is designed to help you see the diversity of help available and to encourage you to utilize that help.
Conflict is a path toward growth. This book is designed as a companion volume to use with a relationship coach but can be used separately if you so desire. Take your time and apply what you can.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. [i]
The challenge of this quote from Mignon McLaughlin is that our partner is always changing and so are we. With everything else in life changing as well, it is easy to get stuck along the way. How does a leadership couple realize that their ministry and marriage may have them stuck in a quagmire? That despite the external praise of others, their internal dreams and goals may be crashing.
What is a quagmire when it comes to relationships? And if you get stuck in one, how do you get out? We’re here to explore all this through honest conversations.
[i] Mignon McLaughlin, BrainyQuote.com, BrainyMedia Inc, 2023. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/mignon_mclaughlin_106607, accessed November 1, 2023.
